I heard that there may be a Clerks 3 comming from Kevin Smith. Having heard that it made me think of what really made the first one so good. Like Tarrentino Smith has a gift for free flowing dialog. The ability to bring two opposing voices to life with an organic rhythm and cadence to the phrasing. Which got me thinking about writing a scene in that vien. Then I decided to go more specific in my choice in reparte. Then I decided I wanted to hybridize it a bit and barrow from the title theme of another upcoming movie, in regaurds to format.
Having characters argue in a script and having validity to both sides can be tricky. It’s too easy to favor the side you agree with and leave the opposing side a little weak despite your best efforts. Finding a top your torn on in the first place can be both theroputic and inspirational in lending it’s self to more organic conversation. I decided to go with one of the greatest debats in Nerdom, and set it in a slightly odd circumstances. Hopefully it will be entertaining even as it is absurd.
Randell – Male 39 dressed in a cheap dark brown suit (Acting as own lawyer)
Marshall – Male 43 dressed in a cheap light brown suit (Acting as own lawyer)
Judge Jackson – Male 67 judicial formal robes
it’s 2112 A.D.
Most things have now become quantifyable
Even emotions and dreams can be accuratly interpreted and understood now with percision
Now most of the cases brought to the court system are some of the last remaning “opinions”
Putting to rest these last great debates is the job of specilized judges
This is Case; Star Wars V Star Trek
The Judge enters the chamber all rise. The Judge takes his seat and all sit
Randell: (stands) Your Honor if I may
Judge: You May not
Randell takes his seat again quietly
Judge: Let me be clear this is not a court of opinion. it is a court of fact. It may be cloaked in the moniquer of opinion but we are interested only in truth here. I do not want to here that something is better or worse. If you have no proof to back up your statement I am not interested in it. Do you understand? (Both Nod) Good now we can Begin the case. Mr. Randell if you will start us off
Randell: Thank you Your Honor (Stands up). I appreciate that ettification on the reason we are here today
Marshal mouths Ettification? to himself in disbelief
Randell: I will prove today to the court that Star Wars is indeed the superior franchise, and that despite Star Treks many acolades it is a sub par series
Marshall mouths acolades and shakes his head. Randell sits back down
Judge: Mr. Marshall your opening statement
Marshall rises from his seat and steps out onto the main court floor
Marshall: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, Esteemed Majesty His Honor, oh Lord Justice
Randall face palms, quick shot of the all male jury looking around for the “Ladies”
Marshall: What my college failed to tell you is that Star Wars is indeed the better franchise, if Star Trek didn’t exsist, and Lord of the Rings, and Dune, and
Judge: I get it
Marshall: Sorry. As I was saying Star Wars is great, for what it is, a Flash Gordon/Kirikawa rip off. Star Trek, however was a stroke of pure genius from a man who understood that Traveling fatser then light took more then a tunnel of light, like the one you find Grandma in after almost drowning in the pool
Randell: I object Your Honor
Judge: To What?
Randell: To that statement
Judge: You have to have specific legal grounds to object, not simply a differing opinion
Randell: Well ok then
Marshall: I’m finished your honor
Marshall walks back to his seat and sits down
Judge: Alright Mr. Randall call your first witness to the stand
Randell: I call to the Stand Harrison Ford…..Jr
A Balif bring in a man dressed in casual dress clothing for the office and leads him to the witness box
Randel approches the witness box
Randall: Harrison Ford Jr what is your affliliation with the Star Wars Franchise
David: I told you my name is Dave Ford Harrison is my middle name and even if it weren’t I’d be Harrison Ford II not Jr.
Randall: Harrison Ford Jr what is your affiliation with Star Wars
david: (sighs) Well I see it once when I was younger, my parents were showing me all the movies my Grandpa was in, personaly I always liked Indiana Jones better
Randell: Your Honor permission to treat as a hostile witness
Judge: He’s Your witness
Randell: Acknowleded sir may I procceed
Judge: (Shaking his head) proceed
Randell: Thank you Your honor. Harrison Ford Jr, did you, or did you not tell me that you spent time ont he set of Episode 13 and even had a small role in it?
David: No I said I saw the behind the scenes stuff on the DVD, and my Dad had a small role in it as a background extra
Randell: Your honor, I rule this witness extranious and unreliable, I request a recess to find a more cooperative subject
Judge: Recess Denied, Mr Marshall do you have any questions for this witness. (Marshall shakes his head), then you are dismissed Mr Ford
David: Thank God, I mean Thank You Your Honor
Judge: Mr marshall, your first witness please
Marshall: (Stands and walks back to the middle of the court room) I call to the stand Jean-Luc Picard himself Patric Stewart
An audible gasp from the audience
Judge: Is Mr Marshall aware that Sir Patric Steward passed away some decades ago?
Marshall: Irrelevant Your Honor
Judge: I know I am going to regret this, proceed
Marshall motions to a balif who rolls a large monitor with a computer tower attacked to it out into the court room. He then turns the device on and a still of Patric Stewart appears
Marshall: What role did you have in the Star Trek Franchise Mr Stewart
Stewart: I’m Jean-Luc Picard of the enterprise
Marshall: Have you see the aformentioned Star Wars Franchise Mr Stewart?
Stewart: It’s Just aweful I can’t believe it (Obviously taken from a different clip then the first responce)
Marshall: And how would you compare it to say Star Trek
Stewart: It’s the next stage in our evolution (Yet a different clip source)
Judge: Wait, wait, wait did you just lift these quote from different shows and interview?
Judge: So these answers can not be considered in your argument as they do not pertain tot he subject at hand and are taken out of the context in which they were originally intended
Judge: Balif please take that monitor away and turn that thing off
The balif obeys the request
Marshall: Sir I request a postponement in order to reasess my options
Judge: denied, we will, however have a brief recess, get your acts together gentlemen I expect some real progress in your next arguments
The Judge rises, the rest of the court rises, the Judge then leaves and the rest of the court sit then some of them start to file out for a quick break